Today I met up with Niles so he could interview me. I asked him if he was on “Blueberry afghani”. He was surprised I knew the song and said a part of his verse. 4 years ago it was not uncommon for me to bump this song during a drinking sesh, before the Cataracs were big. Such a weird music moment to hear it straight from the guy. Good stuff.
you just dont forget that shit.
Anxiety always hits me…but it becomes interesting at the end of a semester. I spend a lot of time at the library since i can not afford my books. I never study with other people either because I feel as though it is more productive to study on my own. Oddly enough i get “lonely” during this time. Being alone does not bother me, i am alone most days and almost always have something to do or something i should be doing.
It could be that I feel overwhelmed during clutch time so i look for procrastination. Procrastination with company. When there is no company to help scratch the itch for procrastination I get that “lonely” feeling. It is kind of torturing me right now.
I have research to do, 2 books to read chapters out of (they are not easy to read either), and homework to type up. I also have my gym bag with me to get some cardio and arms in before I head 25 minutes down a freeway to get back home.
I am also hungry…and bitchy. But I have to put in all of the work. Books and I know I will feel better once i hit the gym for an hour.
…clutch time.
blacklabelontherocks asked: Write more, it's quite good :)
Thank you:) I’m going to make time next week. Other writing projects are making it less fun right now. But i’ll be postin soon!
(Source: ice-pubes, via i-better-find-your-love)
While reading about tribes and customs a couple weeks ago, I came across Laura Bohannan’s work with the Tiv tribe, in particular, “Shakespeare In the Bush”. She stayed inside reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet because of rain. (she couldn’t study because they weren’t moving).
Anyways, a group of elders noticed that she was reading something daily. Finally they asked her what she was doing. She told them she was reading a story. The storytelling Tiv became interested and insisted that she share it with them. She had trouble translating the conflicts in the story. The Tiv did not have the afterlife in their system of beliefs, so they thought the story was about witchcraft (which was in their system of belief). In their tribe it was expected that when a man died, his brother would take care of the wife left behind. So the main conflict fell apart.
…this is supposed to teach about literary theory and objectivity. How something commonly known and translated, like Shakespeare, isn’t always going to have one meaning without the prior hardware.
This made me think about how many things I personally translate in my own way. How many things parents, teachers, and friends tell me that I can’t fully grasp. How many concepts I’m reinventing to fit my prior beliefs. Many, just like everyone else.
What ideas have I gathered about success, religion, love, individualism…etc. How have I enhanced them? How have I handicapped them with subjectivity? How has objectivity watered them down? What things did I just cut out?
…weird.
My mind set is really shaken right now. So while i’m under the influence of this, i just want to jot some stuff down that makes sense to me right now.
I have a doctors appointment in about an hour and I havent stopped crying since i woke up at 7am. Within the last 2 weeks, I’ve had some crazy “symptoms” that i’ve never had before. Really bad headaches, a little anxiety attack in the library, and some other little ticks that I dont recognize. In the beginning, I thought i was going through lady problems but after a visit to a free clinic, they ruled out some stuff.
…anyway, I’m here now, after 2 1/2 weeks of “diagnosing” myself. I thought i’ve had everything from depression to goodness knows what. So now i’m pretty scared. I was in the shower thinking about things that i havent done or havent done enough of. The list was long and just made me cry. To make myself laugh, i started making remarks like, “i dont skinny dip enough”. I really dont. I dont write enough. I dont show love enough. I dont dance enough. I dont live enough.
C.R.E.A.M…dolla dolla bill
Practicing/developing skill in what ever your art may be is fucken hard. If you do not have the money, you do not have the time. There should be more support out there for people who want to be good at what they love. People who have commitment to their talents. I go around feeling like superman/Clark Kent all the time. One side of me needs to make money just to make my day go round. Gas, bills, school things, etc. Then the other side needs to be cultivated. Needs to learn why some writers are so powerful. Why their structure is important. What the audience needs. How that relates to my point in time. Learning takes times. Then actually getting good takes practice. I not only need to read, I need to see, I need to witness. I can’t do that when I’m stuck doing customer service. Well, I can and I do but it does not come without difficulty.
What’s worse is that i dont even know which part of me is superman and which is Clark. Everyone is pushing for those “grown up” moves. Which include getting a 9-5 job. That doesnt leave much time for skill nourishing. But it is the grown up thing to do in order to take care of financial responsibilities, i guess. So is that Clark?
Being a paper shoving 9-5er…is that the day job? And my super self comes out at a later time? Is that after my homework? Put my books away, make my way to the right place and meet some individuals who also nourish their arts. Network. Come home to make a good 4hr sleep before i’m Clark again?
…or is the real life superman really Clark Kent, a realist?
naaaaaah. He was alien remember? So he was super the WHOLE time!
-Graciela Camacho
(Source: nevernevernevergiveup, via rings-on-a-pimp)
Issues arise when what you think is SUPPOSED to happen and what ACTUALLY happens differ.
People think they know what is supposed to happen in a number of situations. I don’t know who/what is to blame for this. TV? Parents? Disney movies? Lack of experience? Our stupid friends? Who knows. All I know is that the human experience is often generalized. Categorized under labeled tabs. From the star-crossed lovers to the hero story. From “my baby daddy is in jail” to “I’m the other woman”. Star-crossed lovers reach a tragic end. The hero rises to the occasion and finds strength he didn’t know he had. You’ll try to date but never lose romantic ties to you’re baby’s jail-bird daddy. And he never leaves his wife for the other woman. These stories with clique endings that everyone knows and somehow parallel their lives to.
Could it be that everyone, an experimenter in their own life, carries on “experimenter bias”? Wanting a certain conclusion do we unknowingly look for only the evidence to support that conclusion?
shit. If that’s true then we’re missing out on some pretty great random shit.
The other day I looked on top of the fridge for cereal. Saw 2 boxes, none which were the cereal i was looking for. I look in a bag on the table and find the cereal along with 2 other closed boxes of random cereal. I changed my mind and opened one of the other new boxes. Served myself a bowl. As I was putting the boxes on top of the fridge with the others I realized that there was an opened box of the cereal I had just opened. Apparently when I looked the first time I wasn’t really looking, just knew it was not what i was looking for so I just moved on at the moment.
I wonder how many times I do this with other things that are heavier than Captain Crunch vs. Fruity Pebbles.
weird.
Nothing went according to plan today. But it was the first good day to end the string of shit that was last week.
Gracie
(Source: jessikawhoever, via ticketsandpassp0rts)
